Saeed Ahmadi
Table of Contents
How can they do it??
How they can talk to their boss like he or she is not their employee?
How would they just walk up to the beautiful girl and invite her out for a date?
How on earth can they talk in front of everyone?
The answer to these questions would be one word: “confidence.” Confidence is key to success and totally vice versa.
We are all obsessed, to some degree or another, with our level of self-confidence, which is why we are all engaged in concerted efforts to strengthen it.
When we don’t excel, we seem to blame ourselves: we’ve failed at something, or maybe we’re just not that successful. But consider this: what if we were caught in a trap?
Russ Harris asserts that a loss of self-esteem is not due to personal flaws, but rather to a lack of understanding of the rules of the confidence game, simply because we never consider it or because, even though we do, society has presented us with the incorrect rules to play it
Russ Harris, an English psychotherapist, affirms that the lack of confidence in oneself is not a matter of personal defects, but rather that the rules of the confidence game are not known, either because we never consider it or because even if we have, In fact, society has provided us with the wrong rules to play it.
And if any of these broken laws succeeded for us for a bit, odds are they didn’t provide us with what we needed. So how do you play properly?
“The same capabilities that lead us to success also lead us to our internal struggles.”
-Stephen C. Hayes
Watch this video, how to build confidence in 7 steps:
What do we want confidence for?
Why do you have faith in yourself? Before you go any more, think about it.
The response is straightforward: we need and need trust for one reason: we want to make positive changes in our lives! Either to achieve our objectives and priorities or to improve results in a particular region.
So, as Harris claims, we don’t just want confidence; we want it for a reason:
“If you had all the confidence in the world, how would you behave differently? What kind of person would you be, and what kind of things would you do?”
The importance of personal values and goals
The previous issue helps one identify the basic facets of certain doses of trust we need by providing us with expectations and beliefs.
On the one hand, our expectations and ideals determine how we want to behave, live, and grow virtues and personality characteristics, and on the other hand, goals define what we want to achieve.
Although the goals are small, they do have an end where they are achieved; the ideals, on the other hand, are always changing. So, how do they feel about each other now?
Values inspire us, motivate us, and keep us on the path of self-confidence.
And if we are unable to achieve our ambitions and dreams, living according to these ideals provides us with fulfillment.
We want to help us define the changes we need to make to mould our first moves on our road to trust by knowing what ideals and aspirations we want to bring into our lives.
Read More: 7 Reasons Why Your Mindset Is Everything
The confidence gap
When we are on our way to achieving our wishes, there is a spot where anxiety appears to remind us that if we don’t have enough courage, we won’t be able to accomplish our aspirations, succeed at our peak, or behave as we wish.
It might seem shocking because such behaviour is common in society, but the fact is that the longer we hold to this illusion, the more likely we get away from what we want.
Do we really believe that the sensation of self-assurance will appear to greet us? Is it true that we have gained the courage to begin doing the things that are really important to us?
The answer would be NO, at least in the long term.
We may become more spirited as a result of any practice, such as reading a performance magazine or trust book or conversing with a mentor or even a friend, but these works will not last These works, though, will not last long.
If we wish to do things with trust, we must prepare for it, and in order to do so, we must learn the necessary skills over and over again.
“You can’t pretend you have confidence, you have to earn it. You have to do the work and earn it for yourself.
- Lance Armstrong
As a result, any time we train, we’ll be putting our confidence in ourselves, helping ourselves, and relying on ourselves.
And it will only be with a great deal of preparation, time, and determination that we will attain the desired outcomes and begin to feel confident. To put it another way, as Russ Harris puts it:
“Acts of trust come first; feelings of trust come later. “
While it is clear to say, it is not so simple in practice, mostly because we have a mind that dislikes change and will want to sabotage us in every way possible by our thinking.
He’ll say something like “I’m exhausted and unmotivated,” “I’ll do it next week…”, and a long list of other reasons.
There are emotional pits into which we can easily slip if we are scared of being misunderstood, do not believe we are good enough or step slowly away from completely natural convictions.
Read More: How Do Millionaires Think + 15 Ways To Think Like Them
Why do we lack confidence?
According to Harris, while we all have trust in some areas, there are some factors that preclude us from maintaining that confidence in others. The following are the details:
- Too many expectations. It has everything to do with the definition of perfection.
- Judging with great severity. A very natural part of human nature: we have a propensity to judge ourselves, whisper pessimistic stories about the future, be unhappy, or revert to previous encounters with which we have failed.
- Great concern for fear. Who hasn’t been terrified at any point in their lives? The issue isn’t with feeling it, but with clinging to anxiety and surviving through it.
- Lack of experience. We can’t be confident about anything if we haven’t had any contact with it, but it doesn’t mean we can’t learn more about it.
- Lack of skills. It’s hard to be positive about doing anything because we’re very good at it.
These psychological obstacles prohibit us from gaining self-confidence as long as we stay stuck in them and believe there are no options for overcoming them or seeking alternatives.
You might also enjoy: 6 Reasons Why Success Is The Sum Of Small Efforts
Confidence in yourself: the theory of self-efficacy
Albert Bandura is one of the strongest theorists of self-confidence, expressing his principle of self-efficacy (which is approximately equivalent to self-confidence) as part of his Social Learning Theory.
His studies of human social learning allowed him to identify additional cognitive elements that facilitate modifying and affecting the type of intentions and motivational self-regulation.
Self-efficacy, or the sense of self-confidence, is one of these factors.
According to Bandura, there are four components to developing self-confidence:
- Mastery experiences: past experiences are the most valuable source of self-confidence data because they help one to validate the true domain
- Vicarious experience or observation: Modelling, or watching (or imagining) other individuals successfully perform such tasks, is referred to as vicarious perception or observation.
- Verbal persuasion: Verbal convincing is crucial, particularly for those who are already secure in themselves but need only a little further to go the extra mile and achieve success.
- Physiological or emotional state: People often mistake high levels of fear for symptoms of fatigue or bad results. Humour or optimistic emotional states, on the other hand, may influence how one interprets events.
How to improve your confidence in yourself?
But what can you do to improve your self-confidence and self-esteem? Here is a list of 6 useful and also practical steps to improve your self-confidence.
But before starting, we recommend listen to the confidence and self esteem podcast:
1- Live in any situation positively
As you can see, verbal persuasion is an important part of the growth of self-confidence for Bandura.
As a result, even though things don’t seem to be going your way, have a good attitude.
Stop dwelling on the issues and just focus on finding answers and making meaningful improvements.
Low self-confidence is also linked to feelings of disappointment and pessimistic emotions that get in the way of achieving your goals.
What you’ll get is a “self-fulfilling prophecy” if you keep telling yourself that you’re not up to the challenge. Be self-motivated even in the face of adversity.
Read More: How To Have A Positive Mindset At Work
2- Be prepared
For example, suppose you have to make a presentation at university and you are concerned that you lack trust in yourself.
In this situation, what works best is to thoroughly plan the presentation so that when the big day comes, you are fully confident in your abilities.
Another example is speaking in front of an entire client base. You must now make them a welcoming speech.
It’s your first time, and you don’t believe in yourself enough. The best technique here is to thoroughly prepare and practice your voice.
After that, you’ll be at ease and confident in front of your customers.
Whatever your objectives are, being well-prepared and feeling confident in your abilities boosts your self-esteem.
If you want to know how can you be prepared in life then this video from Evan Carmichael youtube channel can help you:
3- Make a list of what you have already accomplished and remind it to yourself
Difficult times, as the first point, will lead you to doubt yourself and lose your self-confidence.
And it’s true that life is full of ups and downs, and staying awake can be difficult at times.
In situations like these, a list of what you’ve accomplished so far against your target will be ideal, since visualizing your success will help you stay motivated through tough times.
4- Take action
The powerful engine of self-confidence is action: if you dare to act, you will gain confidence.
Bandura discusses the “achievement of execution:” in his self-efficacy philosophy.” In other words, perceptions are the most significant source of knowledge for self-confidence.
Before they act, many people imagine themselves as failures. Turning your arms against yourself, as I like to call it!
Ok, there’s a clear rule here: if you don’t act, you’ll lose 100 percent of your chances of achieving your goals. That’s it!
According to science, there are some rules behind taking action and if you are interested in knowing how then this video from the TEDx Talks youtube channel can help you:
5- Accept any past failures
What happens if you behave and something goes wrong? The implementation successes, on the other hand, are our own perceptions of our victories and defeats.
When I say understanding, I’m referring to your assessment of the incidents that have occurred.
If something goes wrong, it’s best to recognize it and look at the little victories that inevitably happen even in defeats.
Self-confidence will only rise if we can transcend the obstacles we erect for ourselves: resignation (which has to do with acting) on the one hand, and critique on the other.
Seeing our successes as the sum of our failures can help us gain self-confidence.
Read More: Simple Steps To Create Your Personal Growth Plan
6- Observe successful people
Bandura’s theory of self-efficacy states that vicarious experience is another key component of self-confidence.
Imagining or seeing other people effectively doing particular acts will boost your self-esteem.
This is one of the techniques used by company coaches to boost their clients’ self-esteem. It’s helpful because the latter doesn’t have a good understanding of their own skills or doesn’t have any experience of the job at hand.
7- Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion is a vital component of building and maintaining confidence.
It involves treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and empathy that you would extend to a close friend or loved one.
Here’s a more detailed exploration of this step:
- a) Recognize Your Humanity: Recognize that you are a human being and that you are not flawless just like everyone else.
Making errors, experiencing setbacks, and having times of self-doubt are all common. These flaws don’t lessen your value or your capacity for confidence.
- b) Avoid Self-Criticism: When things go wrong or you feel less confident, practice self-compassion rather than being overly critical of yourself.
Stay away from self-talk that is critical of you. Instead, kindly recognize your thoughts and feelings.
- c) Embrace Imperfection: Accept the premise that no one is perfect and that’s fine. Due to its unreasonable standards, perfectionism can seriously undermine confidence.
You may learn, develop, and gain confidence without worrying about constant self-criticism if you accept your flaws and limitations.
- d) Treat Yourself with Kindness: Be as compassionate with yourself as you would with a buddy going through a similar scenario.
Remind yourself that failures are a necessary part of learning as you provide words of support and encouragement. As you would for a loved one, treat yourself with compassion and empathy.
- e) Learn from Setbacks: Consider failures and setbacks as chances for improvement and learning rather than focusing on them.
Examine what went wrong, note areas that need development, and use this information to boost your expertise and confidence going forward.
- f) Cultivate Self-Love: Create a strong sense of self-worth and self-love.
Recognize your abilities, talents, and particular traits that set you apart. Your confidence automatically rises when you truly love and value yourself.
- g) Practice Mindfulness: Apply mindfulness skills to your regular activities. Maintaining mindfulness enables you to be objectively present and aware of your thoughts and feelings.
For controlling self-criticism and fostering self-compassion this can be a potent technique.
You can cultivate a positive and exciting interior environment by engaging in self-compassion.
Your ability to bounce back from setbacks, keep a positive self-image and ultimately acquire and sustain the confidence to accomplish goals and overcome obstacles is all made possible by practicing self-care.
the difficulties of resilient living. Miss! Being confident does not entail perfection; rather, it refers to having faith in oneself and your capacity to deal with any situation that may arise.
This belief is based in large part on self-compassion.
