Saeed Ahmadi
Table of Contents
Are you easily frightened when someone yells at you? If the answer is no, consider yourself lucky. However, if the answer is yes, you do not need to worry either because you are not the only one. It is common to feel anxious and traumatized by yelling.
But as typical as that is, it can also make things hard for you since your anxiety does not allow you to control your emotions and actions appropriately. This article talks about the anxiety of being yelled at and gives seven tips to control your anxiety. Are you ready? Let’s start!
Watch this video to learn how to deal with the anxiety of being yelled at:
Phobia Of Being Yelled At
Phonophobia, also called Ligyrophobia, is the fear of loud noises. But if you feel the fear of being yelled at, it does not necessarily mean that you have the mentioned phobia. Anxiety and fear in the time of hearing loud shouts and screams are normal.
It is a way of your body increasing your alertness and sensitivity to any potential danger.
Not to mention that sometimes, anxiety is not a production of hearing yelling alone, but the combination of yelling, facial expressions, insults, and hurtful words, and the sense of humiliation that affects our mental state.
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Is Yelling Ever Good?
Now there is a question all of us would like to know its answer. We all have been yelled at, at least once in our lives, but can it really do us any harm? Can people who raise their voices at us use excuses like “I want the best for you” and “I did it for your own sake” to traumatize us and think to themselves that they are not really damaging anything?
At times, yelling is useful. It helps people control a situation in which things get really out of hand, or when they want to bring some sense into the person, they care about, or when their emotions are bottled up, and they cannot find another outlet for them.
All people are emotionally and mentally strained at some point. And they have different responses to this strain.
You cannot expect everyone to stay calm under pressure. But the important thing is to realize we only have the right to use yelling as a tool, not a weapon.
Most of the time, people just use yelling to feel powerful, and that is not okay. I suggest you read this blog: How to avoid negativity too.
Psychological Effects Of Being Yelled At
When we are yelled at, our minds and body get affected quickly. In terms of physical changes, the human body has a part called the amygdala that releases stress hormones in blood steam which tensions our muscles, disturbs the regulation of synapse, leading to a loss of sociability. Also, it can destroy cells of the brain and possibly limit brain size. In terms of mental effects, the person develops self-esteem issues, social and behavioral problems, aggression, and even depression.
As alerting and useful as yelling can be in times of distraught or anger, it is a fact that when people yell at someone frequently to get to what they want or only to assert dominance, the targeted person undergoes changes mentally and physically.
When someone yells at us, it’s our self-esteem that is damaged the greatest. It is easy for us to drown in negativity and view ourselves as flawed in such situations. This is normal, but if we develop a stronger mental state, we can overcome doubting ourselves.
When you try your best to keep your self-esteem at a reasonable level, all the consequent problems and conditions are automatically resolved. Because in the end, how we treat people is directly related to how we view ourselves.
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7 Tips To Remember When You Are Being Yelled At
Learning how to react properly to someone yelling at you, though difficult, is the key to everything. By following these seven tips, you will be able to handle the situation better and overcome the fear of being yelled at. Obviously, this is no one-night procedure. It takes a lot of effort to get to the point you are not traumatized by yelling so easily. But it is worth everything when it actually happens. Now, if you want to know how to deal with the anxiety of being yelled at then read these tips:
1- Try to stay calm
Try your best to stay calm no matter how harsh the other person is being. It is hard. But most of the time, when you stay calm and watch your tone, the other person automatically stops yelling.
This video from the TED-ed youtube channel was useful for me and I recommend watching it:
2- DO NOT yell back!
Never yell back. It takes great effort to keep your temper when the other person is absolutely losing it, but the calmer you stay, the easier it is for the other person to realize there are wrong to yell.
3- Accept your mistakes and responsibilities
Take responsibility for the things you have done wrong. Making excuses will only make the other person angrier, causing him to believe he has the right to step over the boundaries a little bit further.
4- Find a solution for your problem
Try to find a way to solve the problem. This makes the other person believe that not only you are responsible enough to own up to your mistake, but you also care enough to do something about it.
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5- Wait for the person to calm down
Wait for the other person to calm down and tell them how hard it is for you to tolerate the situation when they yell at you.
Respectfully ask them to keep their cool and collect themselves. If they know how unpleasant and unbearable it is for you, they will try their best to control themselves and solve the problems with rational and peaceful conversations next time.
6- Explain how you feel at that moment
Explain what has caused the situation. This is different than making excuses because you are not trying to blame the problem on external factors. You take the blame where you are to blame, but simply let the other person know what has happened to make things challenging.
7- Make sure the problem is solved
Make sure that the problem is resolved. We all know how anger works. Suppose you try to run away from the problem without looking for some sort of proper closure the next time something happens.
In that case, the old problems rise to the surface in the time of argument and get entangled with the new problem. The person gets angrier, hence, more yelling and a higher level of anxiety for you.
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Anxiety turns into anger
We all handle anxiety differently. Some try to stay away from any stressful situation, some attempt to deal with the problem and let it go, and others become aggressive. This affects their mood and mental state and can be harmful to the people around them.
Have you ever heard of the screaming chain? Did you know that it is true? When we are frustrated, we try our best to find any possible outlet for our emotions to make ourselves feel better.
What happens when we find someone in a lower level, with a weaker state of mind, someone who is not able to fight back? Unfortunately, many people choose this way to let out their rage and anger, which is caused by the anxiety and fear of being yelled at and reprimanded harshly in the first place.
The worst part is, they think they have a perfect excuse for their behavior since they were also victims.
The relationship between anxiety and anger does not stop here. Irritation is one of the symptoms of Anxiety disorder. People with anxiety are irritated easier and more quickly.
So when people who are already feeling anxious are put into a difficult situation, they feel the need to let out their rage and let out all the stress they have been taking all day long.
But you need to remember that anger is not the only possible choice for you to control your anxiety level. If anything, the guilt, shame, and embarrassment of hurting other people or showing your anger to other people make everything worse.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
― Buddha
So here are a few things you can try to break the chain and calm yourself without hurting yourself or anyone else:
Be alone: Having a few moments to yourself when you are not feeling well can be helpful. It decreases the chance of running into anyone, getting into any conflict, and forming any situation that shows you ways of getting angry. Just be yourself, take a few deep breaths, and wait for the stress and anxiety to drop.
Work out: Exercising is an excellent activity when you are feeling distressed since it requires you to focus all your energy and thoughts on the exercises. And it is a proven fact that working out improves our mental state. So even if you have only a few minutes, dedicate that time to doing exercises and getting rid of all the negative thoughts and bad feelings.
Listen to peaceful music: Music has a much more significant impact on our psychological well-being than we may realize. When you are anxious or angry, listening to songs with peaceful rhythms and positive lyrics can help you feel better and go on with your day.
Write down your thoughts: Paper is kind. It dedicates all of its space to the words you want to express without actually hurting anyone. So sometimes, the best thing is to find a piece of paper and pen. And let your thoughts and feelings flow on the paper. You can even type what you have in mind on a nearby device and then delete the file, alongside the anxiety and all the consequent bad feelings.
Talk to a friend: sometimes, expressing your thoughts with writing is not enough because the objects you use for writing cannot show any sympathy. People occasionally have to heal themselves with the help of others.
You can call a trusted friend or visit them in person and discuss your worries, feelings, and stress. The important thing is to not do this so frequently to the point it leaves adverse effects on your friends.
Your friend may feel tired or irritated if you constantly bring all your problems to them. We all have our problems in life.
Sometimes it is intolerable to care about other people’s problems and issues on top of everything else you are going through in your own life.
You do not want to lose a friend in the process of making yourself feel better.
Practicing the art of healthy communicating
No one can deny or undermine the importance of healthy communication. Ideally, communication happens when two people are engaged in a conversation, convey the message they want to convey to the other person, and understand the meaning of the message the other person conveys to them.
In this ideal situation, there is no miscommunication or misinterpretation to get in the way.
But we all know how hard it is to reach this form of communication and how harder it is to maintain this form when we finally reach it.
When two people use different manners of interaction, it is easy for them to misunderstand each other.
So it may seem irrelevant at first, but improving your verbal, nonverbal, and visual communication skills, affects your relationships with the people around us significantly.
The significant effects of having good communication skills are reflected in two matters: 1. when you are good at talking and can find the right words and phrases to explain yourself and your actions, the other person understands you better.
Obviously, this prevents many small details from getting bigger, many problems from turning into arguments, and many arguments from turning into chances for the other person to yell at you. 2. Say one problem is big enough for turning into an argument and even a fight.
When you have good communication skills, it is easier for you to turn the results in your favor. In the long run, the better you get at talking and explaining, the easier for you to control your anxiety at times of distress.
There is nothing to be afraid of or nervous about since you know what to say and how to say it properly.
This is also important to know how to stay calm when you are under pressure. This podcast is talking about the same topic :
Conclusion
No matter how well you take yelling, you will still experience it since communication does not depend on you alone.
So the best thing to do is to take care of your mental health, remain strong, and attempt to avoid allowing being yelled at to negatively affect you.
While you may not be able to control the other person’s actions, once you gain full control over your condition, dealing with them shouldn’t be any more difficult.
