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Infidelity is a concept we’re all too familiar with; from poets to Hollywood, there’s not a single soul that has not witnessed the heartbreaks following this act of cheating men.
No matter why you’ve ended up here, whether it’s because you’re all tangled up in a case of infidelity yourself or just trying to do some light reading while you sip on your morning coffee, we’re diving right into the hot topic of the mindset of a cheating man!
This gravely criticized immoral behavior has been puzzling psychologists and philosophers for centuries to no end, leaving them to question what drives these men to the point of no return and betraying their vow of loyalty.
The psychology of this unique behavioral pattern is no simple thing and each case of cheating has its own complexity that usually leaves the parties baffled when they have to face the consequences and answer the simple question of “why did you do it?”
But if every case has its own individual characteristics, how can one walk through the patterns of this scandalous behavior and avoid it as much as possible?
One thing that all the people who stray away from their committed relationships have in common without a doubt is an undeniable disregard for their actions and their consequences alongside a deep-rooted disrespectful opinion towards their partners.
As mentioned previously, although various individual factors contribute to the fall of these men such as:
- Being sexually frustrated
- Being emotionally disregarded and discriminated
- Or just another adrenaline hunter
The act of cheating can only be traced back to this underlying lack of respect for the vow of loyalty and commitment made to the other party in the relationship.
With that being said, what are some common characteristics one may witness in a cheating man?
Taking the various factors affecting infidelity and the complexity of the act on its own there is no “formula for cheating men” and all men who have existed can walk in the path of cheating.
However, the mindset of a cheating man is usually formed because of some common traits that lead them to finally cheat.
Some of the mentioned traits are a certain lack of empathy for the other party involved coupled with impulsivity and the never-ending thirst for excitement alongside prejudiced belief of self-entitlement to various pleasures of life, regardless of the consequences of their actions.
In this article, not only will we dissect the toxic mindset of a cheating man resting within these unfaithful partners, but we will also cover the following topics:
- How common has cheating become and should you be alarmed?
- The Mindset of a Cheating Man: A Deeper Look into The Psychology of These Troubled Souls
- Can you turn the tables and bring these men back to the path of righteousness?
- Types of men who engage in the scandalous affairs
- The factors that lead to cheating men
- The century-long question: men or women, who cheat more?
- The long-term scars left on our mental health due to infidelity
So, get your belts on, and without delay, let’s get down to business!
Before reading this post, we suggest you watch this video which is about 10 signs someone might be Cheating On You:
How common has cheating become and should you be alarmed?
If you’ve recently been one of the numerous victims of cheating, you might be wondering whether you’re alone in this mess or whether there is still hope left to form a relationship that wouldn’t end in one side betraying their commitments.
Well, we’ve got worrisome news for the people looking for some fairytale love; cheating is actually quite common, more than you think it is. Many have admitted to cheating on their significant other at some point in their lives.
But don’t take our word for it! Here are some statistics to show the depth of how worried you should be:
- A published paper in the Journal of Sex Research claims that around 13% of married women and a significantly higher rate of 22% of married men admitted to engaging in extramarital affairs.
- But cheating isn’t specifically limited to married couples and everyone who’s in any sort of relationship can experience this phenomenon. Ashley Madison’s dating website has exposed 30 million cheating lovers in committed relationships after launching a survey.
Although these statistics can be alarming and disheartening for some people, they help you get a better sense of how common the act of cheating is and that if you’ve recently been cheated on, you’d realize you’re not alone in this.
Knowing how common infidelity and cheating is, can help couples realize that it can happen to any couple and highlights the importance of having open and honest communication paired with letting your partner know your needs and feelings, to prevent any of the involved parties from moving towards cheating.
But fret not if cheating did happen, the next step is to openly address the issue and work towards finding the factors leading to cheating and building up the broken trust.
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The Mindset of a Cheating Man: A Deeper Look into The Psychology of These Troubled Souls
Now, for the part you’ve been sitting at the edge of your seat for; it’s time to unravel the mysteries of the patterns of the mindset of a cheating man using these 10 mind-blowing psychological facts!
1- They feel their emotions have been discriminated and that leaves them unsatisfied
Emotions are some of the most complex activities that take place in our brains and therefore this factor can contribute highly to the complexity of each case of infidelity.
Some of the common reasons these men can feel emotionally discriminated against are not being understood by their partner or lack of support from their partner regarding their goals and aspirations.
No matter which of these is the underlying reason for his feeling of being emotionally frustrated, this situation can only lead to feelings of frustration and loneliness that would tug at his mental health.
Being emotionally unsatisfied, these men who won’t feel comfortable having honest and open communication will end up seeking out someone new other than their partner who will be able to fulfill their needs.
He’ll start by realizing there’s someone he can connect with on a deeper level or maybe someone who is willing to lend him an ear and he can trust that this person will understand him and therefore he chooses to confide in them.
In that case, he will feel like he’s finally found the very thing that he’s been seeking and there’s someone to provide what he’s not been able to receive from you.
Although that doesn’t justify cheating, it’s important to understand the drive behind some men’s cheating act in order to heal and get rid of the root of the problem.
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2- The bedroom isn’t hot enough for them
Sexuality and our libido are some of the strongest links in our relationships that can cast a shadow on various aspects.
Wanting to spice things up and being sexually frustrated due to a lack of excitement in the bedroom is one of the many reasons leading men to cheat.
Sexual compatibility and chemistry are just as important as emotional factors and can even strengthen the emotional bonds of a relationship when things are going just right.
These unsatisfied men may not be getting enough action or their interests in bed may not be reciprocated by their partners.
A deeper level of this factor results in total dissatisfaction with whatever they have with their partner and needing something new and exciting.
The mindset of a cheating man with the underlying reason of sexual frustration usually has some notable characteristics such as being a huge risk-taker and having a high rate of impulsivity that tend to show rather a more narcissistic approach towards emotional bonds.
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3- Impulsivity is second nature to them
Acting on one’s impulses happens to many including men every once in a while, and it usually leaves the person full of regrets after facing the consequences of acting without giving everything a second thought.
Impulsivity is usually formed from some other psychological issues such as lack of self-control, stress, or anxiety which would contribute to the person in question cheating.
In the case of guys who cheat, this impulsivity usually means that there’s a golden opportunity that this man gets to hook up with someone new, and most of the time they don’t think further into the situation and how their current relationship would be affected by doing so.
Then again, using acting on one’s impulses is never a valid reason to cheat on the commitments that were once made.
Knowing that it happens to everyone to sometimes act without thinking about the results of their actions and having awful self-control, can be the reason your guy cheated on you, which can be helpful in moving past your trauma.
4- Peer pressured into doing so
Like any other social creature on this earth, men have their own circle of companions that more often than not seek the validation and acceptance of the said companions.
This need for validation, may on occasion lead to making decisions and acting in a way that could seem unlike themselves and even make them stray away from their morals and beliefs; specifically when their friends try to normalize infidelity or even encourage them to engage in this act.
If your guy feels pressured into fitting in and not losing face, remind them that they’re not obligated to indulge in the same behavior if they witness the mindset of a cheating man, and to remember it’s important to value their boundaries and not let themselves be swayed just to receive validation from peers.
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5- Low self-esteem and the need to be seen
The next reason we have on the list is no stranger to us; having low self-esteem and confidence!
Low self-esteem, no matter what gender you are, directs your thoughts in the direction that your self-worth is much lower than it really is and that ends up putting a wet blanket on every good feeling you had of yourself.
This lack of self-esteem can be caused by many factors such as:
- The emotional scars left from past relationships,
- Having a traumatic childhood,
- The social pressures that force them to fit into certain standards,
- Or not meeting the trending beauty standards.
No matter which of the mentioned factors is the fuel to their lack of self-esteem, all of these reasons can cause a feeling of insecurity and inadequacy in these cheating men that are pretty hard to ignore.
But, how does this feeling of inadequacy ends up making these men commit infidelity? Well, this low self-esteem only increases the need of this man for validation and being seen in order to feel better about himself.
Of course, this is nowhere near being ok, and raising one’s self-esteem using such methods should not be encouraged.
If you’ve been struggling with self-esteem issues, it’s best to address the problem and try to mend your self-image bit by bit to have higher self-esteem.
6- They’re self-entitled
On the other end of the spectrum, far from men with low self-esteem, resides the type of men who feel self-entitled to everything!
For these men, feeling superior means they are entitled to certain privileges without having to give much in return; such as sexual gratification!
The self-entitlement of these men can stem from many affecting factors like social, cultural, or personal morals and beliefs about power and its dynamics in social relationships.
Other reasons that can contribute to their self-entitlement are these men’s achievements, success, or wealth which give them the wrong impression that they’re above the rules of the society.
This attitude towards the social constructs and the belief that they’re above every other person can create a toxic mindset and a sense of entitlement that endangers the foundations of a healthy relationship.
One of the factors that contribute to this sense of superiority is the toxic masculinity found in these men, giving them the attitude that men are dominant and above women therefore entitled to exploit and control women.
This attitude is quite harmful to the parties involved in the relationship and can cause the end of a relationship because of this sense of superiority towards their romantic partner.
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7- Going all out for revenge
Another drive behind why some men end up cheating is to take revenge upon their partners and punish them in some way.
As much as it may sound illogical and crazy, it’s recognized to be a quite common behavioral pattern in guys with the mindset of a cheating man.
This behavior can arise when men feel they’ve been wronged by their partner in some way and to relieve themselves of this feeling, they give in to the impulse of committing infidelity.
Some of the reasons these men could feel wronged are the fact that maybe their partner first cheated on them or that they’re not receiving enough attention and aren’t appreciated enough by their partner.
The toxicity of this seventh reason lies in the fact that these men feel their act of cheating is justified as it’s meant to punish their partners.
They will be having thoughts along the lines that their partner deserves to be just as hurt as these men were and this behavior is only going to be a lesson to their partners.
In order to move past this mindset, these men need to address their behavior honestly and realize how the toxicity is affecting their relationship and their partner so that they could reach a healthy solution.
8- Insecure attachment style and struggling with abandonment
One of the common behavioral patterns found in the mindset of a cheating man is their insecure attachment style and how these men struggle with feelings of rejection and abandonment leading them to develop an insecure persona.
The cheating men struggling with insecure attachment style usually have a hard time forming and maintaining their relationships due to their constant need to seek validation outside their relationship which is a coping mechanism that ends up in infidelity.
Having open and meaningful conversations about one another and assuring the parties involved in the relationship that they’re good enough and one party won’t be abandoning the other can ease the insecurity of these men.
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9- No reason but to relieve boredom!
Boredom is one of the most common reasons a cheating man might have when committing infidelity.
And to be honest, life can get quite mundane with everything making you feel a little too monotonous and dull.
For these men, when life gets to that point, they start looking for the excitement they need in all the wrong places.
But you might be wondering what getting bored has to do with cheating. A normal person doesn’t go and cheat on their partner every time they get bored!
And you’re right, but the answer to that question lies in the psychology behind lying and cheating.
As a kid, you would’ve enjoyed that last cookie you were not supposed to eat much more than the cookie your mom gave you.
The adrenaline rushes these men experience when sneaking around and doing what they’re not supposed to be doing is actually what has hooked them on.
Then again, much like the other reasons, this behavior can’t be kept up in the long run and somewhere along the way, they will slip on their perfect master plan.
Men who cheat because of boredom usually happen to exhibit characteristics such as:
- Seeming distant and secretive out of the blue,
- Being quite sensitive about touching their phone or using their phone,
- Or having an aggressive approach when questioned about their actions or previous whereabouts.
When facing dishonesty, it’s better to confront these actions outright and have an open conversation to clarify the situation.
10- A twisted view of what love is
Cheating can come to some people simply because of a major misunderstanding about what love is in actuality.
Feeling that the relationship is doomed and destined to fail as the passion of the newfound love fades away and gives way to the comfort couples feel after moving away from the initial stages of the relationship, these men become insecure about their love and commitment.
The cheating men end up seeking that initial passion and rush of dopamine somewhere other than their current relationship.
These men often struggle with forming long-term relationships and maintaining healthy relationships past the initial stages.
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Can you turn the tables and bring these men back to the path of righteousness?
If you’ve ever been on the end of the stick and have been cheated on, you might be wondering, “Is there a way I can bring my man back from this path?”
Although there’s no easy answer to your question and everything solely depends on your case, let us go over some perspectives on this matter!
About the possibility of the cheating men changing, yes, it’s possible. Like every other human being, these men can also change and turn over a new leaf.
However, the change we’re speaking of requires a lot of effort, and change can’t happen overnight.
Especially in the case of a cheating man, it requires a higher level of commitment and effort to change them.
When walking in the path of correcting the unfaithful behavior of your partner, both of you should keep a realistic point of view and understand that mending the trust that has been broken takes time.
The cheating party must also realize that saying sorry and promising to never commit infidelity is never enough and instead, they must take responsibility for the consequences of their actions as well as show how remorseful they genuinely are.
The next step for the cheaters is to work hard towards regaining their partner’s trust through self-reflection and figuring out the root of their problem.
After becoming aware of their issue, address the problem honestly and cooperate with their partner to improve their relationship.
Although cheaters can genuinely try to become better, you should be aware that cheaters are accustomed to lying.
Unfaithfulness is often closely entangled with the manipulation and the satisfaction these cheaters gain from their deception.
So, you have to be cautious not to trust your unfaithful partner too easily and let them work to gain back your trust so that you know they’ve actually decided to change and want to be faithful after all.
If during this time you haven’t felt like your partner is being honest with you or that they aren’t putting in the effort needed to gain back your trust, you may want to rethink pursuing this relationship any further!
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Types of men who engage in the scandalous affairs
Infidelity and cheating are very complex human behaviors and these complex issues have been affecting numerous relationships.
The reasons that drive a person in the path of infidelity are quite significant in the behavioral pattern of the person in question and they can vary greatly based on the psychology of each individual.
After carefully analyzing studies and papers on the said topic, we’ve been able to conclude that 3 types of men engage in scandalous affairs in general that are as follows:
1. The opportunistic type is the type of cheater that isn’t actively looking to cheat or chase opportunities to engage in infidelity but often happens to end up in situations that offer the opportunity to cheat on their partner.
Some of the factors that can raise the chances of these men cheating on their partners are:
- They’ve recently started experiencing an overbearing amount of stress in their personal or professional life,
- Their new relationship has just been formed or it’s not fulfilling enough,
- Or they’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a significant period of time.
2. The dissatisfied type is the second type of the general cheating men and the notable characteristics of this type are the dissatisfaction and unhappiness these men feel in their current relationship that leads them to look for affairs outside of their commitments to have their needs met.
Feeling neglected, unappreciated, or not having their needs fulfilled by their romantic partner can further push these men to indulge in infidelity.
3. The narcissistic type is the last of the general types of cheating men that are usually linked to having a huge ego and an unrealistic perception of self-importance coupled with their need for validation, admiration and exploitation of others in order to reach their goals.
This last type, the narcissistic cheater, can be the most dangerous of the mentioned types as they can make a fool of most crowds by being charismatic and charming and utilizing these perks to win over their partner.
But looks aren’t the only advantage this type of cheater has. Being skilled in the art of lying and deception can help them come up with elaborate stories to use as alibis and keep up the impeccable image of the perfect partner all the while doing their dirty deeds behind the scenes.
The mentioned above are the three main types witnessed in cheater men that you better avoid as much as possible if you’re looking for something more long-term.
The factors that lead to cheating men
Even though each case of cheating varies from individual to individual, there are some common characteristics that can be seen in the majority of cheaters such as:
- Acting on the impulse to lie: cheaters have a tendency to lie about every little thing from their actions to intentions just to get away with the wrongs they’ve done or to deepen their deception.
- Lacking empathy: as the mindset of a cheating man is closely related to one of narcissistic people, these individuals are witnessed to prioritize their needs and desires over everybody else’s including their partner’s.
- Inability to have healthy communication: these individuals usually struggle to create and have open and honest communication and therefore avoid it altogether. A lack of meaningful communication will certainly lead to issues in the relationship that would be hard to resolve without communicating first.
- A recurring history of cheating: these cheating men might have a history of cheating that keeps repeating itself through their past relationships, suggesting infidelity is nothing new to them and they have the mindset of a cheating man without a second’s doubt.
- Being insecure and having low self-esteem: as discussed previously, when cheating comes to these fellas, it’s all about receiving the validation they’ve been seeking and boosting their fragile egos.
- No control over their impulses: they have very poor judgment and usually act upon their impulses without giving the consequences of their actions much thought.
- Self-entitlement: having a sense of self-entitlement, these cheaters believe that they deserve certain pleasures and are above society and its rules.
These characteristics are only a few of the many characteristics that can be witnessed in cheaters and any cheater may or may not have any number of the mentioned characteristics along with their own reasons for cheating.
The century-long question: men or women, who cheats more?
Some of you might not be surprised by the answer to this question, but to put it short, men tend to cheat more among both genders.
Several surveys and studies indicate that men seem to be more prone to cheating compared to women. Here are a few statistics to give you a better picture of the situation:
A published article in The Institute of Family Studies, claims
Approximately 20% of men have engaged in infidelity and cheating behavior throughout their lives compared to a noticeably lower rate of 13% of women.
With that being said, the said study also found that women have a higher rate of cheating in the age group of 18 to 29 compared to men of the same age group.
In a study conducted by Live Science, data also indicates:
20 to 25% of married men are likely to cheat on their partners compared to only 10% of married women engaging in infidelity.
Researchers have been trying to discover this significant difference in the rate of cheating between different sexes and suggest that the higher rate in men could be a result of social expectations linked to masculinity.
In order to prove their masculinity, men are usually pressured into committing infidelity and risky behavior. Having a higher rate of outdoor careers in men compared to women can also contribute to having higher chances of meeting potential affair partners.
Here we have another podcast that might help you to figure out what is going on around you:
The long-term scars left on our mental health due to infidelity
Infidelity is not like any other experience and can have long-term traumatic effects on both the person who engaged in infidelity and the person who has been cheated on.
The following are a few of the common psychological scars the act of infidelity leaves on our mental health:
- Trust issues:
The first thing that is being betrayed and broken when the act of disloyalty is committed, is the trust of one’s partner.
This can sometimes cause issues and psychological trauma preventing the individual from being able to trust others in their future relationships.
- Emotionally traumatized:
Unfaithfulness is closely related to our emotions and self-worth and when infidelity happens to take place, certain emotional pain and trauma can cause depression and anxiety alongside other mental health issues.
- Feelings of shame and guilt:
On the other hand, the emotions of the person who engaged in infidelity are also being affected by this experience and they can be feeling a mixture of guilt and shame due to their actions that can cause a self-destructive mechanism, further damaging the relationship.
- Difficulties in maintaining the relationship:
As we’re all aware, cheating damages the relationship to a great extent. In rare cases where the couple decides to stay together and work things through, mending the relationship and rebuilding the lost trust is going to take a very long time.
The feeling of not being good enough and a decreased sense of self-worth can take over the mentality of the person who’s been cheated on and questioning what they did wrong can trap them in a toxic loop decreasing their perception of themselves.
Now that you know how psychologically you can be scarred by betrayal:
how can you overcome these effects and traumas?
Contact a professional
the first thing you should be doing, no matter your decision in keeping the relationship or ending things, is to contact a therapist or a counselor in order to help you unload your emotions and gain the right perspective about your situation.
Take care of yourself
practicing self-care mentally, physically, and emotionally can help heal these psychological scars to an extent.
Your self-care can include eating good food that is healthy as well, following an exercise routine, getting enough sleep, and filling up your time with events and activities you do with your loved ones.
Let yourself heal
like every physical scar, mental scars need time to heal, too, and pressuring yourself into moving on with your life can only hinder the healing process, so be patient with both yourself and your partner.
If you’ve decided to rebuild and fix your relationship, make sure to take things slow and focus on regaining the lost trust at a pace that works for both parties involved.
Honest and open communication
the importance of having honest and open communication should be highlighted as it helps both you and your partner to express yourselves and understand each other’s needs and feelings in order to decide what the next step is moving forward in your relationship.
Even though dealing with the psychological effects of infidelity can take its toll on you, you should know it’s possible and you can move on with your life without letting it shadow your livelihood.