Saeed Ahmadi
Table of Contents
You are not alone on the road to success. One of the key characteristics of successful people is that they keep good company. Successful people choose their friends wisely. The people with whom they spend their time and share their stories are very important to them.
So when it comes to choosing the people you want to keep in your life, there are certain types of friends you need to avoid, to be more precise, friends who abandon you in hard times.
This article gives you an idea of what true friendships are like, talks about five primary types of people who are likely to let you on your own when you are having a tough time, and tells you about the importance of making friends with the right people.
We recommend watching this 2 minutes video from Jordan Peterson Fan Channel too:
Friends who abandon you in hard times
The question is: how to know when someone is not your real friend? How to recognize your real friends and stay away from fake friends who bring nothing useful to your life? To find the answer, you need to watch for a few behavior patterns that almost all fake friends seem to share.
1- Friends who do not make you feel comfortable
Hanging out with friends is supposed to be fun and make you feel good. However, there are some friends with whom you will never feel comfortable. These are usually the people who do not accept you as you really are.
These fake friends judge you, make fun of your weak spots and force you into situations and things you do not like. These are the friends that make you pretend to be someone you are not, so you can blend in with them and earn their approval, which is never healthy.
Real friends accept you, care about you, and love you the way you are. They do not try to change you according to their own will and will never judge you or make fun of things you are insecure about. That is why, when forming friendships, the most important question to ask yourself is that do you feel comfortable around them or not? If the answer is no, you need to back out before things get deeper.
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2- Friends who treat you good for their own advantage
At some point in our lives, we all sure had some so-called friends that are normally oblivious to our feelings and needs and only act like your friend when they need you to do them a favor. This is the most obvious red flag that helps you distinguish fake friends from real friends.
These friends are the ones that only act sweet and friendly when they want something from you. Sure enough, someone like that simply does not care enough about you to be there for you at your lowest.
The best thing to do is to build relationships based on the give-and-take formula. This does not mean that you should think of friendship as a form of trade and only care about your advantage to keep up with the other person.
This really means that you do not have to be the only one always there for your friend. When you need them, they should be there for you too. If it is not the case, then it is probably for best to stay away from them.
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3- Friends who do not try to stay in touch
Sometimes, when you are going through a hard time, you need other people to give you some space. Real friends acknowledge and respect that.
But at other times, they will keep in touch. They will make time for you and care to stay updated with what is going on with you. On the other hand, fake friends only reach out to you when they need you. They do not care to ask about you and your life unless they need to ask you something.
It is unreasonable to expect someone to be in touch with you 24/7. But friends communicate even when they are busy. Because of their work, they might not be able to communicate as much as they used to, but they won’t let this affect them. So a good way to know who your real friends are is to keep an eye on the people who have an interest in your life and like to talk to you about it.
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4- Friends who talk bad behind your back
Friends who talk about you with others without your consent, friends who share the things you preferred to keep private with others, friends who are nice to you but show their real opinions about you when you are not present, are not friends at all. This is an absolute, unconditional truth.
Real friends do not go talk behind each other backs. They have no excuse for participating in discussions harmful to your reputation too. Real friends have each other backs, even if the other one is not aware. So if your absence makes a difference in how they represent you through their actions and words, there is a very high chance they would not stick around to support you through your struggles.
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5- Friends who make you feel bad about yourself
True friendship helps you find the best in yourself. It does not make you forget about your weaknesses, but it encourages you to work hard and turn them into strengths. A genuine friendship makes your way open to progress and lets you be a better version of yourself.
With some certain people, it is impossible to work toward making yourself better. Fake friends try to stop you from pursuing your goals and dreams. They somehow convince you that you cannot make it, so you should stay in your current position and give up on trying.
Fake friends never see you anything more than you already are and actually sabotage every positive feeling you have about your future.
Negative people are dangerous. When you are constantly surrounded by people who make you feel worthless and weak, one day, you finally believe that is who you really are. If you spend so much time with people who make you think you do not deserve anything more, you will never find the capability to gain anything from your life.
Let your friendships be the source of your energy and motivation for flying high. Not the thing that cuts off your wings and forces you to settle for something.
Dealing with friends that abandon you can be really hard! but you need to understand that a true friend will never abandon you!
You have to know your true friend from the ordinary and even fake ones! but how on earth can you do this? The next part is going to help you know your true friends.
How can you know your true friends?
It may sound like a cliché, but the saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed” is really one of the most important sayings you need to always keep in mind and act according to it.
True friends are rare. But this only makes them more valuable because once you find them, they will never leave your side. And although they are hard to find, they share the same characteristics, so it is easier for you to spot them. Before moving forward I really recommend reading uncle Iroh quotes because they can really inspire you.
1- A true friend is honest
There’s an old saying that goes like “Friends are like mirrors.” This means they should reflect you exactly as who you are. They should remind you of your good traits and inform you of your poor qualities. Real friends warn you when you are about to make a wrong decision. They magnify your strengths but are not oblivious to your weaknesses when you are needed to be reminded of them. A true friend will tell you the truth, even if they know you might not like it.
2- A true friend cares about you
Imagine if you are sad, annoyed, or angry and your friend is not concerned about how you feel. Insensitive people are the last people you would want around. Your real friends console you in the time of sadness and try to make you feel better.
3- A true friend is worthy of your trust
We mean to keep some things to ourselves. Some things are just hard to express, and finding the right person to talk to about them is harder. Yet, the burden of keeping secrets and feelings is very heavy. So feeling like you have a best friend who you can trust with all your heart and share everything with them, knowing they will never use the things you told them in the time of peace and friendship against you when things get tough is one of the best feelings in the world.
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4- A true friend is supportive
First, we have to make the difference clear between support and bias. You cannot expect your friend to take your side when you are reckless and stubborn. Because, as we said before, true friends let you know when you are making a mistake. And preventing you from making a wrong decision or worrying about you having a bad situation is a kind of support on its own.
But when you want to pursue your goals and chase after what makes you happy, they will encourage you to take action and be strong as long as it is harmless and reasonable. They even offer you suggestions for getting over any obstacle that stands between you and your dreams.
Why do friends abandon you?
When we form friendships, we sort of automatically assume that it is going to last forever. That is because we never foresee any drastic change that might come our way. But change is an inevitable part of life, and sometimes, nothing stays the same after them.
Over time, so many things can happen to you that you have never seen them coming, and unfortunately, they are not always good things. You may go through Traumatic, sad events and gain certain experiences you wish you would not. Anything from your health and mental state to your career and personal life may be subjected to an alteration.
“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” — Muhammad Ali
And when that happens, you expect your friends to stay beside you. You want the people who you enjoyed the sunshine with to walk with you through the rain. But the sad fact is, life is not always that kind, and some friends are not that loyal.
Of course, psychologically speaking, sometimes, it makes more sense for some people to keep a distance from you when you are going through something tragic or traumatic. They may find it difficult to tolerate your issues on top of the issues they are facing in their own lives. Still, as your friend, it is natural to expect them to share your sorrows when they were there when things were peaceful and pleasant.
But apart from the troubles of facing the difficulties with you, why do friends abandon you in hard times? There are five groups of individuals who are likely to leave you on your own.
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Dealing with friends that abandon you
It is only natural to feel desperate and lonely when your friends abandon you. But there are ways to get over being left alone. You have to remember that you can always meet new people. This does not mean you have to force yourself to find new friends.
Real friends are never found when you are trying to use them as replacements. You just need to gain back your peace of mind, be yourself, and friends will come your way. This time, make sure to choose the ones you think are reliable enough to share your struggles and sufferings with.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you are trying to get over lost friends and dealing with friends that abandon you:
Do not blame yourself: No one is meant to stay with you forever. So when someone leaves your life, do not search for problems in yourself that might have driven them away. Sometimes, two people are not suitable for each other, no matter how perfect they are as individuals.
Remember that you are not alone: Logically speaking, almost everyone on the planet has been abandoned by their friends at least once. Therefore, you are not the only one who has to tolerate the feeling of loneliness and fight their battles alone. So in a sense, no one is ever lonely because we all go through the same thing.
Be proud of yourself: Surely, it is bad to be left alone by the people you love when you need them the most. But there is something about going through tough times alone that makes you stronger than ever. Hardships are blessings in disguise. They make you suffer a lot, but in the end, they will make you better than you were before.
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Conclusion
In conclusion, Good company is important to success. Friends are a critical part of your journey in life because they influence your life and personality in a significant way.
Selecting your friends is crucial to your happiness, so be careful who you keep in your life, and try to stay away from friends who manipulate you, make you feel miserable, and finally abandon you in hard times.
